Rant

I am borrowing this from my dear friend Matt. He expresses himself in ways we all dream we could. He goes on rants every so often and it's fantastic! I have been feeling the exact same way for the past few weeks. Especially since our accident. Here is his latest:

"As normal on Monday I shall rant, this week it's driving because at least 3-4 times when I drive some idiot decides to almost kill me. It's not so much that I hate driving it's just that I cannot control what the crackheads that drive around are like. And therefore I must regale everyone with why these people are idiots and how to fix the system. Therefore I must put out some rules.


1. Speed limits are bunk. Everyone does this so they should not be surprised that I regularly and frequently break the speed limit. Everyone knows that the speed limit is not actually the speed limit, but 5 mph over the speed limit is the actual speed limit. I think some sort of autobahn limit should be enforced, aka no speed limit. But this requires people to not be idiotic will not happen. So therefore this probably won't be something that comes to fruition.


2. Put away the freaking phone while you are driving. Maybe this is just the insurance side of me talk, or maybe it's the side of me that doesn't want to die, but what the F could be so important that while driving 70 down the highway you need to peer into your phone and type out lol, rofl, or all that other stupid crap. Heck I don't ever answer my phone while driving. Granted, I never answer my phone anyway but I still don't see what could wait 5 or 10 minutes later. This is one of the reasons why I ride with my roommate while he drives. Smoking, texting and driving with your knees should be dealt with 10 years hard labor repairing roads.


3. If you put your seat back so far you look like you are laying down while driving you deserved to be strung up upside down and have pickles thrown at you for at least 10 hours. That should be the punishment for all douschebags anyway. And if you are doing this, you are a douschebag. I bet you gel your hair and put your cap on a strange way too.


4. Stop putting so much crap up on your rearview mirror. I have put one thing on my rearview mirror once, that was a stupid ID card when I was student teaching. I have since stopped putting anything on my mirror. You do not need lays, caps, beads or any of that crap on your rearview mirror. You limit your vision and you look like an idiot. So stop. Why do you need that stuff there anyways? Is Mardi Gras gonna suddenly break out someplace?


5. Use your friggin signal lights. I'm sorry, I'm not a mind reader. Apparently I'm one of the few people left on the Earth that has no clue that you intend to merge or turn. Guess I should be better at reading body language through a 2 ton piece of metal. That's my bad. I'll get working on that right away.


6. Why the heck are people in such a hurry? If you woke up 20 minutes late for work, you're SOL. Deal with it. Just because you go 90 in a 35 doesn't mean that you will get there any faster. It just means you're more likely to die. I guess that solves two problems though, you won't be late for work again and I won't have to dodge your stupid butt.


7. Bicycles, you're a menace and you know it. Well generally you are. I know I know they should have their own area and I would respect a bike lane. But when people are biking up a hill and creating a traffic jam 6 blocks long, just get onto a sidewalk. I'm sure pedestrians can dodge you if you are going 5mph. Also, if you are on the street, respect the freaking laws of the street. I don't know how many times I have seen bikes run red lights. You don't get a free pass because you aren't in a metal shell. In fact you should be worried more about getting hit by me in my metal shell, sure I may get some blood on me but at least I won't be a vegetable if we run into one another.


8. Road rage is a funny thing. I swear a lot when I am driving. A lot. Mainly because people are idiots and swearing calms me down. However I will never pull someone out their car and beat them without mercy. That's taking it a little too far. Maybe a strongly worded letter would do. Do what the British do and have drive by arguments.This being said I do wish very weird things on people when I'm angry. Like instead of wishing they would crash (yes, we all do it, I'm not some sort of monster) I wish that they would have a bunch of late fees or maybe one of their toes gets diseased. Maybe if it's a lady they have a yeast infection. You know, little things. Maybe they get a weird monkey disease somehow.


9. Driving drunk is retarded. 'nough said.

That's the list for now. So until I build up enough to say for next time, don't be an idiot on the road"  - Matt Harless

Boo Texas

Life altering news here. I have a bump in my road. Something that is causing severe damage to my social life. It's called "Texas". Jana has no TV down in Texas so she is living off movies. I then realized something. Glee starts in a month. This is not good. I need her to be able to watch it the exact second I do. It's one of our many things. I need her to be able to text, instant message or facebook instantly when Brittany makes a smart comment. If a song was better by the original singer/group or a cast member. When Sue makes some hilarious comment about Mr Shue's hair, I need her instant laughter! Ugh, I will now have to gain patience and wait a day for her to watch it online!

Mail. I was planning on sending something until I found out the mail was being sent to MN. Poop. Yes, I used the word 'poop'. I live with a 3 year old people. I have things that need to be sent not by horse and buggy! Maybe I could send them to the neighbor. Maybe he will in return send me Sequence! ROR

All this is putting a damper on my social life!

In other news. Today at work I experienced something that was just odd to me. As I was washing my hands after using the facility, a lady walked in. She set somethings on the counter and proceeded to turn on her iPod, put her head phones in, grab a book and her Pepsi and then went to the farthest stall away from the door. I then heard her open the soda bottle and turn her music way up. I am sure my face gave away what I was thinking. Yup, she was camping. Luckily I was already done and I booked out of there! Sadly, I know who it was and see her quite often. Awkward.

Nothing is surprising anymore

You seriously are going to put two annoying things into one commercial?! Wow. Snuggie meets the Macarena! I thought that died with the 90's!

I am a little disappointed. I love Amazon. I really do. It's a life safer when it comes to certain things. Last week I made a pretty nice size purchase (becoming more and more frequent these days) and I am a little stoked about it. I got 4 or 5 books, a few DVD's for way cheap, and a Christmas gift. Yes, I said the "Christmas" word. I am getting started early. I have noticed over the past few purchases that Amazon must have changed their shipping methods. I always select free ground for 5-7 business days because why pay the extra money when you would get it in about 2 days? Well, that is no longer the case. You actually receive your package 5-7 business days after purchase. What did they do to change it? I miss getting my purchases in record time. It's teaching me patience on the up side. I am just excited to get my reading on!

On to other things, the weekend is almost over. That is a sad realization. I love Sundays, until I go to bed. It then hits that my alarm has to be set. So depressing! The weekend was good. Friday, Michael helped Jeffery pack up the truck that would head down to Texas in record time. Jess stopped by for about 2 hours to just talk and let out some steam. My door is always open for that. When Michael got home we watched a horrible movie starring Bruce Willis and Tracy Morgan called "Cop Out". There were some funny moments but honestly, it was not that great of a movie. Bruce needs to stick to real action flicks! It was about 11 or so when it was over and I couldn't sleep so we stayed up to watch "Did You Hear About the Morgans?" This left a better taste in my mouth. Usually a flick starring JSP is okay. I hadn't seen a movie with Hugh Grant since "Love Actually" so it was nice to see him. It was a good laugh and a ending Michael approved of. We then headed to bed. 

Saturday we had a amazing breakfast spread. We then headed to the new Walmart in Grimes. Having a Walmart that is 5 minutes away that isn't scary is amazing. It was also a nice bonus to have a college soccer team checking out with a ton of water. Hmmm, that was a nice. We stopped by the park to run off some steam and then headed home for lunch. 5 loads of laundry later, it was time to get ready. We headed over to Pleasant Hill for Caleb's baptism. Michael and I were selected to be sponsors again which is a great honor. After a great church service we cruised over to my sisters house for dinner and social time. It was great spending time with my grandparents and aunts and uncles. They are all amazing people. Jake and Eli had a blast playing together and they went outside towards the end of the night to go swimming. I am sure neighbors could hear them from miles away. We got home pretty late but stayed up to watch the Packers get their game on. Man, I have missed football.

Since we went to church Saturday we decided to let Jake sleep for a while on Sunday. Basically we did nothing all day. We just spent the day together playing and playing and playing. During Jake's nap time we did have a movie date and watched "Old Hogs". Honestly, I couldn't stop laughing. I love Robin Williams in these kinds of roles. John Travolta was actually funny at times. I had to get past his botox injections but it was a pretty comical movie. We then cooked a dinner that died before we got to consume it. Let's just say we ruined dinner and we laughed for 20 minutes before we could get ourselves together and clean up. We then resorted to a dinner of cereal. When in doubt, eat cereal! Now we are just relaxing for the evening. Jake just went to bed and Michael is watching the Vikings try to get it together. They aren't doing so hot right now! I am knitting. I have about 3-4 projects going. It's crazy. I have to work on one basically everyday to get it done on time. It's been my "stress relief". I find it relaxing. 

Here's to another week in the Janzen zoo....

Mortified

I have no problem sharing this event from today. Mainly because everyone that has received this story has laughed at my face or via phone/text. I think Beth's still takes the cake.

We all have them. Those hypothetical situations in your head that show you entering a room with a winding staircase and you fall. Getting ready to sing a tune and your voice cracks. Giving a speech and you lose your breakfast/lunch. I had one of my "hypothetical nightmares" happen to me this afternoon. I left work early today to report to the dentist. Something I hate. I do not like not being able to see what they are doing. Along with the noises, it's torture for me. I had a root canal done and then found out 2 weeks later I was pregnant. They don't allow you to go to the dentist till you are in your 2nd trimester so I have been waiting 23 weeks to get a crown molded and on. I walked hunched over and feet dragging into the building. That is when my first sign appeared. My lunch dropped from my stomach to my intestines. I thought it would be a good idea to use the restroom. Just a simple #1 and nothing out of the ordinary. I checked in and was taken back to my doomsday. Second sign, stomach started to cramp. I had a moment of panic but it passed in a matter of seconds. About 45 minutes into the appointment, as we were waiting for the nasty tasting mold crap to form around my teeth, it happened. It came from no where. Like a nuclear bomb. The sweat come in a matter of a half a second, the beads forming on my forehead. I got the chills down my back and arms and my stomach made the ignition noise. I then proceeded to bank a pretty juicy tootsie off the leather dentist chair. Embarrassment washed over me like a hot shower. Sweat started peaking out in places all over. I could feel my face get extremely hot and red and all I wanted to do was crawl into a hole and stay there. It was not just a little one either. It was the kind you laugh at in the bathroom at work because we are still that immature. Of course it wasn't quiet enough for Dr Mark Sloan (not kidding on the name, about 20+ years older then McSteamy on Grey's, but still funny) to hear it. How could you not? It had a neon sign upon arrival with a giant finger point in my direction, blinking "She did it!" I swear it was bouncing off the walls and into the hallway echoing down as it went and finally settling into the waiting room. To comfort me he states: "You know, I heard pregnancy causes extra gas." Thank you. Thank Dr Mark Sloan DDS extraordinaire for making me feel like toe jam. You could have just ignored it. Not said a thing. Been a gentleman about it. No, you had to point it out and then make a comment to rub it in. I then spent the rest of the appointment with my eyes shut and replaying the whole incident in my head and sweating all over again. The smell is best described as rotton broccoli. If it could have a green cloud, it would have. I then had to make another appointment for 2 weeks to get my crown put on and couldn't find any reason to lie to get out of it. Mortified. Let's hope my next appointment doesn't have extra "visitors". Ugh.

Love.

Jake was lucky enough to be taken to Clear Lake for the day to enjoy some time at the beach and some time with his grandparents. He loves them so! I wasn't quite sure what time they would get home, but around 4:30 they gave me a jingle. Turns out they were all having a blast and were going to eat dinner and head home. I guessed they would get home about 8:30. Michael jumped the gun and threw down everything he was working on and stated "We are going out!" We enjoyed a fantastic meal together. Now, if you haven't seen "Date Night", it's a must rent or own. In the movie Steve and Tina are talking about a couple that is sitting in a booth on the same side. At first, they thought they were dating, but then they noticed they had rings on. Of course, now a days, no one is all lovey dovey after they get married so they jumped to the conclusion they were having affairs on their significant others. Anyways, last night, we were once again, one of "those" couples. Michael sat next to me. The waitress looked at him like he was taking crazy pills put proceeded to take our drinks. The rest of dinner we talked and laughed, while everyone else in the restaurat stared at us. As we were paying for the check another couple came in. They sat at the booth in front on us. Once she sat down, her husband did the same as Michael. They waved and smiled. See, we aren't the only ones that are still all over one another after 4 1/2 years of being married. After stuffing our faces full we went on a nice long walk with the dogs. It was gorgeous out. I love that fact (sorry, this may get gross for some of you) that Michael always loves to hold my hand or put his arm around me while we walk. I know this is very 9th grade but he has always done it and probably always will. I can see us being that old couple on a bench making out in the park. Eventhough that is 50+ years down the road. After a refreshing walk, Michael pulled out a little surprise. He had bought some chocolate covered strawberries from Stam. AMAZING. They are so delish! I am drooling now just thinking about how good those suckers tasted. It's that first bite. The first bite of chipping away at the chocolate while getting that first burst of strawberry in your mouth. Perfection! We then canoodled, watched Baby A do backflips and catwheels, and watched football until I heard Jake outside. He of course had to tell us right away about his whole day. He is now currently taking a bath because in his words "I smell like lake and fish!"

Tonight was just one of those relaxing nights. We don't get them that often so I welcome them with open arms! I am so blessed with my family. I cannot thank God enough for what he has blessed me with. I am reminded of that everyday, many times a day.

Weekend over-haul

We only had 1 thing planned for the weekend. That was for Friday. After work we got things ready and headed to Becky's house in Ankeny. After a delicious meal of Lasagna and all the trimmings, we had great conversation as normal. After letting the meal sit, Becky brought up the big guns. Chocolate Fondu. You want to talk about amazing! It was! She had strawberries, pretzels, pound cake, pineapple, bananas, etc. It was so delish! We couldn't stop! It was the cherry on a amazing evening. We over course didn't get home till way late and then Jake didn't fall asleep till 11:30.

The alarm clock aka the 3rd old with way too much energy in the morning, woke us up at 6am. After a morning walk with the dogs, we made breakfast and then Michael and I proceeded to take an hour nap while Jake watched his favorite cartoon. I woke up in a panic because we had to go to our friends house for lunch. Once again, another delicious meal and great conversation. In the middle of lunch, David called. He decided to come in for the rest of the weekend. We left the Axtell's and then ran home so that we could make a movie. After laughing for about an hour and a half, we headed home. We grabbed a quick meal and headed up to my dad's concert in Ankeny! It was really good and it was fun to watch him do his thing! We got home just in time to catch the rest of the Viking game. I heart football. Even if it's pre-season!

Today, Sunday, we planned on going to the fair bright and early. David actually had to get up before 7. Getting there early has way too many benefits. Not busy, no lines and we got through the whole event by 11:30. Michael and David consumed insane amounts of food and Jake had a blast with all the animals. I got through it. I'm not a fan of the fair, but I love that Jake and Michael have a great time. Me and Argiculture are not on good terms! After walking around for hours we went grocery shopping and headed home. After doing laundry and dishes, I crashed. Like 3-8 crash. 5 hour nap is always good. I was up from 8-11(now). Only reason: David Hasselhoff Roast! Totally worth it. The texts I received during this hour and half were fantastic! I enjoyed sending some to Jana. Poor girl couldn't watch it! After laughing so hard my stomach hurt, now I am ready to pass out for the evening!