Melancholy

You know the good ole saying “When it rains, it pours”. I am currently learning the meaning of that. This past week has been an emotional rollercoaster.

We have decided to not put the house on the market. We do not have the time or energy to commit to selling it. We are never home and if we are it’s only usually one of us. It’s almost nearly impossible to keep it 100% clean due to the fact we have an almost 4 year old and a 4 month old that get into everything the second you clean it up. Now, my house is not a diasaster but I know if I were to be a buyer, I would be OCD on the clutter side. I guess we will enjoy our updates until next Spring!

Childcare. You want to talk about being stressed out? First off is even finding an in-home daycare that isn’t on the East or South side. I do not want to go way out of my way to take the kids somewhere. Now, if it was someone I really knew and trusted, completely different story. We have gone to 4-5 places and some, wow. Words cannot express the drop my heart took. I also get that “mothers intuition” that something is not right. Michael doesn’t get it at all. He keeps telling me I am paranoid, but if I took Beth in some of these homes, believe you me she would have a few things to say. Something will have potential and it will fall apart on their end. I feel like this is a lost cause and nothing is going to show up. We have been praying about and hope we can figure this out. Michael had to say home 2 days this week and he spent most of those days calling around. They quotes he was getting were OUTRAGEOUS! $450-$500 a week, for both. To me, that is just crazy. I might as well quit my job for that. Yet, we want to give our kids a great future so off to work I go! I am hoping this will resolve as soon as possible. I don’t think I can take much more of it.

The big whammy award of the week goes to my family. My mom needed Tuesday off to take my G’pa to the doctor because one of my aunts was taking G’ma to her doctor. My G’ma had cancer last year and she had her final chemo drip and had a check up. While my mom was waiting with gramps, she got a call. So it turns out G’ma has cancer in her chest and lungs. There is nothing they can do either. They don’t think she is strong enough to handle the treatment and she also doesn’t want extra measures. I totally understand that though. Who wants to spend their last months throwing up and not being your self? It’s not the legacy you want to leave people with. I lost my grandparents on my dad’s side a few years back and that was hard. Especially my Grandpa Holman, that was an arrow to the heart. I still can’t eat butterscotch to this day without tearing up. This time, it’s a little different for me. My mom’s side of the family is extremely close. Every holiday, that I can remember growing up, involved my mom’s whole family. My cousins are friends; even my aunts are like friends to me. We are always there for one another when we have hard times and are going through something. I just can’t picture our family without her there. Every time I do, a new set of emotions sets in. I have so many memories that are wrapped around my grandma, that it’s just heart breaking. I honestly have to say that giving someone a time limit is just bull. I hate that doctors do that. It’s like D-Day. No one wants to live life in fear of that specific time area. I also don’t like to talk about it because then it’s so real. Yet, if I don’t talk about, when I finally do, I break down. To sit here and even think about her not being there, it just breaks my heart. She seems to be that person that holds the glue together for everyone. Then the other side of it, my grandpa. That is a story in itself. It will be interesting to see how the next few months unfold. I am just not prepared for any of it and do not want to have to face it.

S.L.A.C.K.E.R

I have not been doing a good job with this lately. My lack of blogging is due to my lack of "me" time. Here is a small breakdown:

S: Side jobs. Don't get me wrong, I love them, but it's a lot of late nights alone with the two kids! Especially that older one...wow.
L: Losing my mind because I have no time to myself! Changing that ASAP!
A: Actually decided not to try and sell our house now because we have no time to do it.
C: Concerts galore are coming up and I am a little excited about them all.
K: Kicking some things into high gear. Enough is enough! Enough said!
E: Earnestly looking for day care....way more then stressed about this one.
R: Really am excited about finally getting my laptop! I feel completely lost without one.

4 Months!

First of all, I cannot believe Jax is a little over 4 months old. Where does the time go? He had his 4 month check up with shots today! The office was running way behind and so entertaining a 3 year old and a 4 month old in a confined space, that is a challenge. We made it through! Jax is weighing in at 19lbs! He is in the 99% for weight. He is measuring at 26inches and is in the 98% for height. She said he looks amazing as is ahead in everything. The kid rolls back to front, front to back, sits up on his own, tries to crawl when on his stomach, and talks all the time. He's a healthy boy and we love him so! It's hard to believe that in less then 2 months we will be able to give him food! I can't wait! It's so fun to watch him do new things. He loves to grab everything and especially his feet! I look forward to watching him grow in the next few months!

Lack of blogging

I have been lacking due to the fact I no longer have the ability to operate a laptop. Apparently, I had a faulty mother board and it burned to the operating system. Goodbye 2 year old computer. I am now in the market for a new laptop. I, would love a Mac Book Pro. Michael told me to hold off till later. I have been building computers the past few days and then comparing them. I think I am more confused then I was before. I hope that I figure it out soon. Living without a laptop is not helping me at all. I never realized how much I/we need one or use one. Yes, Michael has a monster of a computer, but I like the mobility of being able to take it everywhere. I hope by the end of the week I have it figured out! Computers and I are starting to get a history.

As usual, I was cruising down the isles of Target and found a few DVD's to invest in. First off, "Easy A". It was on sale for a good price and I just had to snag it. My dream in life is to be Emma Stone. I had to add this flick into my collection. It is full of amazing one-liners and it completely sarcastic. Just like me! I also had to pick up the new Narnia movie. I will say I am a fan. Mainly due to Peter and Prince Caspian, but there are other reasons as well. We didn't get a chance to see it in the theater but we already had the other two films so we have to keep the collection going. Prince Caspian can come rescue me anytime!

The weekend was way to eventful for me. The wedding was gorgeous and I am so happy for B and her new man! My kids...well, they are a different story. I think the long day really took a toll on them. Today was not a good day. It's about 9ish and Jax just fell asleep for the first time since he woke up at 7 this morning! It was just an off day for everyone.

Horrible, no good, very bad day

Yesterday was a failure. I didn't wake up to work out. I ended up sleeping in till 5:55 and I looked absolutely horrible at work (as I did today also). I had a very bad attitude to begin with. I was cranky and on my breaking point by 7am. I had a giant policy I was issuing and it was a monster. A real piece of work that one was. I finally got it completed and I thought my day would turn up at that point. Not. I spilled my coffee. This has been a pretty common occurrence lately. After lunch, my stomach decided to be my enemy. I spilled water all over the front of my shirt before I left my desk. I made it about two blocks, then I had to pull over and throw up. Not cool. I make it to my parents house only to be welcomed with pouring rain, road construction, and a blocked street. Jake was not in a good mood and didn't want to do anything I needed him to. My stomach was still on the fritz and I believe something happened and the next thing I know. I am pretty sure I sharted at that point. We get loaded in the car, again in the rain, then headed out. We get half way home and my check engine light dings on. What on earth? I start to think this day is beyond ridiculous. We get home and Zoey gets loose and is gallivanting in the rain. I had to run after the mutt and finally got the wet rat back inside. Then if Jake wasn't crying, Jax was. It was a constant circle of whining. In between cries, I was in the bathroom. Then my phone rang. It was the Computer store. Apparently my laptop has kicked the bucket. 2 years after purchasing it, the mother board fried. This is also known as "You need a new laptop ma'am". Michael then cooked his dinner which took my stomach ache to a whole new level. By 10:30 I was ready for the day to end and start fresh. No. I woke up about every hour and a half to visit my toilet. It was not a pleasant nights sleep and I really could use today to catch up before the weekend. That is not happening!

Epic fail

My alarm went off at 4:05am and I hit snooze. I threw my covers over my head and went back to bed. Unfortunately, I didn't hit snooze, I hit off. Thus I woke up at 5:50am and was late. So much for my AGG side making it's appearence today!

4:49 AM

Yes...above is the current time. I would like to state for the record that I woke my self up this morning at 4:05am and worked out. I do not know if this time will ever see my face again but I did it one day. That is all I said I would try. We will see how tired I feel and begin to look as the day goes on.

Side note: If I do this again, I need to go to bed at a decent hour. Maybe 9ish or so. Not 11:30 like I did last night. That is all.

Now what?

In 3 weeks I have finished the "Hunger Games" series. It took reading from about 9-11 every night to get it done but I did. It's still not as bad as when I read the entire "Harry Potter" series last year in 3 weeks. At that time though, I only had 1 child and he was at a stage where he was completely independent and wanted to play with his trains alone. Not anymore. I will say the last book left me wanting more. Twiligh did also. Harry Potter ended so well and I do wish there were more but the ending was perfection. I know I will read this series throughout the next couple years. After I finished the first book I found out they were making films! Bonus for me! I think I am going to have to dig out HP #7 soon. I want to read the whole book all over again before June. It will take me about that long due to the fact I have no time in my life anymore!

This weekend was a complete bust. Friday we kicked off BBQ season with good food and great friends. It was nice being able to let the kids run around outside. I have missed this weather! Saturday I had a baby shower in the morning and ended up not getting home from SC till about 3:30. Yikes. We then had to run around town getting outfits for the boys for upcoming events and then we picked up dinner and returned home to basically just crash. Sunday Michael had to go to a friends house early to work on our car. Last week I went to use the brakes and they sort of failed. Michael spent all day fixing them. Literally, all day. He ran into so many problems but now they are fixed and hopefully will work better then ever! As he worked on those, I was home with the boys. It was not a good day. Jake wanted nothing to do with anyone. He stomped aroud all day and was extremely grumpy. I was thankful we had 2 floors yesterday because he stayed upstairs most of the day. Every time I went to check on him, he was sitting in his chair or on his bed with his arms crossed. Whatever kid! He did go outside for a few hours and I did see a smile on his face for a short time. Jax was in his "hold me" mode. If you set him down, he would cry. Poor kid. I don't think he felt well but he finally fell asleep at 8 last night. Michael had to hard core wake him up this morning. Maybe he will sleep a lot today. He needs it!

The weeks keep flying by. We have a wedding this weekend, Jax's baptism, Easter, babies, and all this other stuff coming up. I am wishing for the old weekends when we had nothing to do. Ahhhhhhhh, I can dream right?