Day 30

A picture of someone you miss.

Ready for this one? It's deep.

I am currently missing myself. This might get deep just to warn you. I feel that I have no idea where I am. I seem to wear so many hats and they keep piling on. Wife and Mother are obviously the most important. Yet I work full time at a job that I am currently loathing and my attitude is getting worse day by day there. It doesn't help that the people we work for tend not to be there for us nor back us up on anything. They always expect us to change but we get nothing in return. I find myself alone, yet in a room full of people. My mind completely wonders off to something else. I feel as though I can't talk to certain people I use to. Either they seem to be busy or have other issues in their lives. I  dislike having to explain my life challenges to others. I tend to jump to the conclusion "no one cares." I also hate digging for a "what's up?" or "what's wrong?" I am one to most of the time bottle things up, take a few days, and then let them roll over. I haven't been doing that lately though. I soon feel like I will explode. We have been so busy trying to get our house ready, that I think we have, in a way isolated ourselves from everyone even more. It's our own doing for the past few weeks but I still feel like we are never going to be ready. Day care is becoming a major issue and that is beyond stressful at this current time. I find time for me every once and a while but sometimes, I feel like it doesn't help or it's not enough. I need a do over...a major start over. I do not even know where to begin. They always say you go through a time in your 20's where you have a total re-evaluation of your life and you change. That your path may change and/or you take another road. I think I am at that crossroad. I am just not sure where it is going to lead me. First, I honestly need to get back on track with God. That is a good jumping off point. I know that path was been leading astray currently in the past few weeks. I need to be more disciplined with that.