Has anyone noticed how awkward going to bathroom is in a corporation setting? Being pregnant, I have noticed it due to the number of times I use it a day. That our maybe it's just our work place. This would not surprise me.
Here is a list of awkward moments in order:
1) Walking down the hallway
I say this due to a few reasons. First off, there is a 67% chance our bathroom is closed on our side of the building due to the disgusting women that trash it. There you are power walking and BAM! Denied. You then either walk back to your desk holding it for another 15 minutes or rush over to the other side of building. Second, it's the hallway of shame. I swear people that pass you know what you are about to do. Even though you haven't done it yet. Judgment washes over their faces. You avoid eye contact but there are those rare cases where you show a sha-grin smile or say "hey" so quietly you didn't even hear it yourself. Or there are those times you get death stare downs from someone you have never met but now you want to smack.
2) Opening the door.
A few things can happen at this point. You can either open the door, walk freely into the bathroom and into a stall. This is a dream scenario. Never happens. You either walk in when someone is walking in at the same time. Walk in while someone is walking out and have the awkward "sorry" comment. A few times I have walked in while someone is standing by the long mirror that happens to be right next to do the door. They are most likely checking themselves out or fixing their face. The best part is when you walk into our bathroom, you have to take an immediate left. There has to be a few collisions a day. I have at least one.
3) Stall shopping.
There are those rare moments when you walk into the bathroom and every stall is free. Again, rare. If you are lucky everyone is doing the "every-other-stall method" so that you are never in a stall touching another stall with someone in it. Worst moments in shopping for a stall are:
A) Having to be that person that breaks the "Every-other-stall method". Being sandwiched between two people is not comfortable. Especially when the second you plop down, someone down the row leaves.
B) Nastiness level. We are usually at condition yellow in this building. Hardly ever a green zone around here. There have been times, many of times, it's a red zone. You walk into a stall and someone has clogged it up with all the toilet paper in this joint or female hygiene products. Disgusting. We are adults, Most, or I should say all, of us have been doing this for years. We should have this mastered ladies. You also have to make sure no remains are left from the pervious occupant. That could mean a few things such as floaters or drops on the lid. Clean up after yourself. Not hard to do. If you do the #2, maybe you should not use the "going green" button. Use the dumper. Give it a good whirl. Sanitary is being "green" also. It's not a great feeling picking a stall and having to walk immediately out of it. How about the times the water is still vibrating because the person at the sink was the one to just use it. I hate that. I don't want them thinking they did something nasty but I do not like that. I'd rather move on to the next stall. The best is when you walk into a stall and it smells like someone just got done downloading their breakfast/lunch. That whiff of fragrance is something I could live without during my day.
4) Embarrassment at first noise.
I am sorry but this is when immaturity factors kick in. I, usually just go about my business. I tend to be a "Finch" from American Pie when it comes to work. I keep certain business at home. I know others don't mind doing whatever at work. I am fine with that. It's the "unexpected" ones that get me. When someone thinks they just have to tinkle and let one off. Why on earth do they have to make a noise after doing it? I hear the "opps" or the "oh!". Well yeah, you just released yourself. Honestly. Now there have been times I have been present for some banjo duels between stalls and even the occasional "I know you are in the bathroom Sarah so to get you to laugh I'm going to bank one off". Usually that follows with a giggle from me and the other person involved. Yes, I need to grow in maturity here, but you cannot deny the thoughts that go through your head even if you don't let out a silent laugh. I try to just avoid everything and just do my business and get out. There are the people that need to over come the noise of going #1. Why on earth are you flushing as you go? Do you know that water shoots back up? Hello, you are shooting up your pee! Everyone pees. I know they made a book on how everyone poops but still. Get over it. We all do it.
5) Toilet paper use.
A few things run through my mind. I am sorry but everything is X's 10 in the bathroom for noise level as we know from #4. You can hear a pin drop and then echo. I find it fascinating that some people either don't use toilet paper or use a square of it. I don't waste it but I still use at least 5 squares. Honestly. you can't get clean from 1! There is no way. On the opposite end, you have the addicts. You hear the roller just rolling and rolling. No wonder why the toilets in stalls 1, 2 and 5 are always clogged. Are you shoving it in your pockets for later at home? Re-stuffing your bra? I just find it absolutely mind boggling to hear the toilet paper roll on a continuous cycle until it's to the cardboard. Maybe double flush if you are going to use that much of a tree. I will tell you that a tree is probably softer then the TP used in our bathroom. Man.
6) Flushing.
First off, you are extremely lucky if you don't have to flush the toilet right when you walk into the stall. 90% of the time it is automated and how hard is it to push a button? Then there are the people that courtesy flush so you don't hear their toots. There are the people that flush as the actually go to the bathroom. Those that have to flush immediately after and the people that flush after wiping. There are also a select few that don't believe in flushing. Those people need to be smacked. If at first you don't succeed, flush and flush again. It doesn't hurt to wait and make sure everyone/thing goes down the drain. It helps out the next occupant in many ways such as vomit reflex and having to flush upon arrival ( hate that!) Let's be clean and green!
Hand washing:
You would think washing your hands wouldn't be an issue. It is. Most people do wash their hands, which I am extremely thankful for. It's the other factors that I am going to point out that boggle my mind. What sink to use? This question comes from the fact that half the time the automatic soap dispenser is broken on the first and last sink. You also have the problem of having the soap just be gone. Water. Water is everywhere. I am still not sure how this happens. You cannot lean against the sink otherwise you will have a wet spot in a perfect line along your shirt or pants. I know one reason for this is that our paper towel holders are off to the sides of the sinks but at the same time we are not dogs. We do not have to shake like we just got a bath after rolling in dirt. If you do shake and leave a ton of water on the counter, clean it up. Not a hard concept. I am sure if you were in your own home you would do that task. I don't want to be the bad news deliverer but work is almost like home. So suck it up and clean up after yourself. Also, the water is usually freezing cold. If you catch the bathroom in the early morning it's usually better. I just don't enjoy putting my hands in ice cold water.
Paper towel holder meltdown:
We have major issues when I think of having to get a paper towel in the bathroom at work. Basically pure and utter hatred. Many things can go wrong. You have that once in a lifetime chance that there is a piece already peaking out so you don't have to turn the handle and it slides out easily. The rest of your life you have other situations. The situation of having to actually turn the handle. You just washed your hands and you are never quite sure if the person before you washed their hands and then got a towel or if they turned before they washed. Phobia. Insert hand sanitizer here. 3.75/4 times you use the restroom the paper towel dispenser is broken. The paper towels are all jammed back and you are ripping off pieces instead of a whole one. Other times the dispenser is just open and you have to use your arm to cut off a chunk. I think I need to start carrying scissors into the bathroom with me. I would love for it to work all day, just for once. Our bathroom gets cleaned enough in one day for it to not be broken 24/7.
Exiting.
You basically relive the situation when you entered but in reverse. You throw your paper towel into the over stuffed trash can and then hope no one comes walking in while you are walking out. Then the walk of shame begins back to your desk.
Miscellaneous.
How about the ladies that are fixing their hair and make-up when you walk in and are still working on it when you leave? You are at Nationwide. Sorry, but that is slim pickings if you are looking for Mr Right or even Mr Right Now. The lighting is horrible so no matter how hard you work, you will still look like crap when you walk out.
There is also the situation of having two people come in having a conversation and then each of them taking a stall on either side of you while they continue to talk. I cannot tell you how many times this happens. Some of the conversation I really do not need to hear about. There are the other talkers that are hogging up the sink area. Move it if you are done. Let others through because just as much as you are wishing for me to not be there to listen, I am wanting to get the heck out of dodge.
How about the people that are on their cell phones? It could be talking, texting or even playing a game. I cannot help but laugh when I'm going to the restroom and her "da da da da" because you won a round of Texas Hold'Em on your phone. You are in the bathroom. Do your business and be done with it! There are probably even more situations but I can't think of them at the moment.
Of course you get to repeat this whole situation every 3-4 hours that you are at work.
